Kiss Me Kill Me
by Hattersglasschild
Summary: M for a reason "The Asgardian had made me a prisoner of my own mind. I could scream and yell and resist all I wanted in my mind but my body wouldn't listen. I said what he wanted to hear. I did what his lips demanded. I was his puppet, a robot. The worst part was my sanity still lurked in the showed crevices of my troubled mind, forced to watch and remember." Loki/Clint Clint/Widow
1. Chapter 1

"On your knees," Loki commanded and I had no choice but to obey.

"Yes boss." The voice was mine but I didn't recognize it. The Asgardian had made me a prisoner of my own mind. I could scream and yell and resist all I wanted in my mind but my body wouldn't listen. I said what he wanted to hear. I did what his lips demanded. I was his puppet, a robot. The worst part was my sanity still lurked in the showed crevices of my troubled mind, forced to watch and remember. Inside I wanted to vomit as my mouth pleasured him, his thin fingers tangled in my shaggy hair, forcing me closer. But outside my expression was blank.

Loki chuckled lowly, his head falling back against the wall. "I knew there was a reason you were my favorite."  
Gross. I didn't want to be his favorite. I dind't want to be his anything. I belonged to no one. My hatred for him surpassed anything, even my love for Natasha. Natasha. Even the name made me feel gulity.  
'I'm sorry,' I thought as if she could hear me. Not that she would care that i had my lips wrapped around Loki's cock.. would she. No. No my precious Black Widow had told me countless times she would never fall in love. So why did I dream of her mouth connected to mine, our tongues entertwined as i held her pressed against the wall. As soon as I would enter her, her legs would lock themselves around my waist as I pleased her, thrusting into her very core. She would writher against me, moaning as loud as she possibly could.  
Oh how I long for my name to poss those pretty little lips as she reaches her climax, the should enough to get me off.  
It hurt loving someone you could never have. Loving Natasha was my weakness but thank god she didn't know. Nobody knew. Only me and it was going to stay that way.  
I was brought back to reality when Loki released. The taste was vile. Trust me, I would have gaged if I could have.  
"Swallow."  
I did. It made me feel dirty. I had no problem me homosexuals it just wasn't my thing. Steve and Tony were perfect together and they were pretty cool guys and they were gay.  
Hell Elton John's gay and he kicks ass. But me? Not me. I loved Natasha.  
Slowly I rose to my feet and was slamed against the wall, Loki's lips attacking mine. They were rough and I hated it. As his tounge invaded my mouth I thought that maybe this was gods way of punishing me for everything bad I had ever done, every life I had ever taken.  
Before long another part of me was being invaded and holy fuck it hurt like hell. I had never felt so violeted in my entire life. His nails dug into my wrist as he pounded into me.  
"Tell me Agent Barton," he purred in my ear, his tone possesing that familiar hint of seduction it always did, "Are you enjoying this?"  
I nodded, my lips twisting into a smirk.  
It was a lie of coarse.  
"Do you love me?"  
"Of coarse."  
Another lie. How could I love this man? He was absolutly repulsive. I would kill him the first chance I got.  
The closer he got the harder he thrusted and the harder the pain became to bare. He came and involentaraly so did I.  
Then it was over.  
"You've done well Hawkeye."  
The hell? Did he just call me Hawkeye? I didn't even know he knew me by that name. He had never said it before. Its not like it mattered With one last quck kiss I was left to the mercy of my own thoughts. What terrors awaited me next?


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Oh my god. I actually had people favorite and watch this? I think I'm going to cry! (Out of happiness of coarse). Thanks so much guys! Ideas are always welcome. Shout out to Love-The-Nekos for reviewing :')**

"You wished to see me boss?" I had a terrible feeling about this meeting and not just because I was uncomfotable. Being in the same room with Loki resurfaced disturbing memories.  
He flashed me a smile and gestured for me to sit so I did. "Thank you for coming."  
Ha. As if I had a choice.  
"I think its time we pay your beloved Avengers a visit."  
My heart sank at his statement. This was no ordinary visit if he called just me here and not the rest of his army of minions.  
"What do you mean sir?"  
He gave a low laugh, flexing his fingers against his staff. He was always holding that damn thing. Oh well. At least he wasn't wearing the stupid helmet. "They're getting too comfortable. I say we knock them down a size."  
Apparently I shared a brain with my robot self for a milisecond because he asked what I was thinking.  
"Why tell just me? What about the others?"  
He stood up, walking over to the window, peering curiously outside. "Oh they'll know soon enough. But I have a special task for you Agent."  
That weird feeling I had worsened, my stomach tightening.  
"You see last time I was there I had a quirell with a red haired female."  
Oh no! No no no no no no no NO! Do not bring Natasha into this. I felt my heart start to bleed.  
"See... she begged me to release you yet when I questioned her affections she claimed she had none."  
My heart tore at the words. For once I knew Loki wasn't playing tricks on my mind. He was right.  
"None-the-less, she called me a monster and she will pay handsomly for that."  
'You are a monster!' I wanted to scream. As soon as I'm released from this damn curse he will 'pay handsomly' for not only what he's done to me but for insulting Natasha. An arrow straight to the heart. I never miss.  
"What exactly is my task?"  
"Oh Agent Barton. You havn't caught on yet?"  
His next words shattered my heart completely.  
"I'm ordering you to kill her."  
Oh shit.

* * *

The S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters. I have so many memories here, most of them Natasha related. As I walked down the long corridor, my bow in hand, quiver on my back and a handfull of men for backup, I prayed she wasn't in her room. If I saw her, Loki's comand would take over and I would have no choice but to kill her or die trying.  
Before I even reached her door I came face to face with Black Widow herself. The stunned look on her face proved she was just as unhappy seeing me as I was seeing her. My fist collided with her shoulder before she could even blink and she flew back, slamming against the wall.  
'I am so sorry!' I screamed, trying so hard to fight back.  
She was back on her feet, kicking and punching and soon I was on the ground, Loki's minnions joining me.  
"Clint I don't want to hurt you. Please stop this for both of our sakes."  
She was pleading with me? Sure Natasha was good at manipulating people to get what she wanted but in the heat of the moment she showed no mercy. I had just attacked her and instead of finishing me off (which I had expected) she was pleading with me. I had to be dreaming.  
"Please, I'm begging you." This shocked me even more. Maybe that's what she was trying to do; shock me back into my sences. Widow never begged. **Never.**  
I, of coarse, responded with another attempted punch, recieving a boot to the head.  
Thats when a light flashed in front of my eyes, my head reeling as it seemed like a small explosion was set off inside of me. Pain seered through my entire being, all traces of numbness gone. I looked up, my eyes meeting her frightend gaze. Tears swelled up, blurring my sight at the fact that I was seeing her through my own eyes again.  
"N-Natasha?" I mannaged to choak out before everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Okay... I just had a four hour plane fight to new mexico... and this is what I wrote on the plane.. O_O Big thanks to my new friend Love-The-Nekos who loves this story :')**

I don't remember when I started to come through but I preferred the total blackness. The images that flashed through my thoughts I would rather forget.

_"Boss?" My voice was filled with confusion as Loki's nimble fingers unzipped the front of my jacket. It only revealed my tank top of coarse and he growled in frustration._

_"You wear far too many clothes for my liking."_

_Whoa. Okay what?_

_"From now on," he pulled the jacked off, throwing it to the side and running his hands up my arms. "You are only going to wear this. It should be a crime to hide those beautiful muscles of yours."_

_Oh shit... this isn't happening. I tried to slap his hands away but mine wouldn't move. I tried to run but my feet where glued to the floor. I tried to cry out but my mouth wouldn't open._

_"Loki? What are you-"_

_Two of his fingers pressed against my lips. "Humans were meant to be ruled Agent Barton. Let me rule you."_

_"Okay."_

_Okay? Okay? Did I seriously just agree to this? An evil smile played upon his lips as his hands slid under my top._

_"Excelent."_

_After it was completely off I swear Loki drooled. His eyes roamed over my bear chest, hungrily and for the first time in my life I was uncomfortable being shirtless. I wasn't fully alarmed until his tongue darted out and flicked over one of my nipples, his fingertips tracing my abs._

_Even as I closed my eyes I could still see the images: pale against tan, my musculare arms around his skinny waist, his thin lips on mine. Our naked bodies fit so unevenly together making it so uncomfortable._

That was the first time he had taken me and I prayed it would never happen again. That prayer was never answered.

The image faded into something much worse.

_"Stand up straight. Against the wall. Now!"_

_I said nothing, only obayed his order. The only thing he was wearing was his cape._

_'A symbol of power,' he always told me._

_A cape? Really? Superman had a cape and he didn't go on murderous rampages. Thor had a cape and he was one of us. Try again Loki._

_My clothes were stripped from my body, my sunglasses torn from my face, revealing my now baby blue, slightly glossy eyes. My wrists were shackled together above my head, my feet forced shoulder width apart._

_"Beg," he demanded in a harsh tone._

_Beg? Beg for what?_

_"Please boss." My voice was hollow, flat, emotionless._

_"Please what?"_

_"Touch me."_

_He smirked, a gloved finger trailing down my front._

_"You are undeserving of my touches."_

_He hit me in the stomach with his staff._

_"T-touch me anyway."_

_He grasped my semi-hard member, squeezing hard._

_"Why should I take orders from a mere whore like you?" he hissed in my ear._

_"Because I'm yours."_

_Okay one: If I were a whore I would be getting paid. I don't see any money being thrown my wya. Two: I belong to no one._

_He hit me again but seemed pleased with my answer._

_"Moan for me Agent Barton. I know this is pleasin to you." The moan that escaped threw my lips was completely involentary. I didn't like this at all._

_The abuse continued for hours. I still have bruises from his staff._

Phrases like "My little slave", "On your knees", "Harder..faster.." and finally "Kill her" filled the silence until...

"Clint! Clint wake up!"

My eyes, now returned to their natural brown color, flew open meeting Natasha's worried gaze.

I attempted to sit up but my arms were strapped to the metal table I was currently laying on. I fought against my restraints, looking at her with pleeding eyes.

"Christ Tasha. I'm no longer a threat to you."

A ghost of a smiled graced her face.

"Sorry tough guy. Had to be sure it was really you."

She unstrapped me an I sat up, swinging my feet over the side of the make-shift bed.

"Why am I back?"

"I hit you really hard in the head."

I gave a small laugh.

"Thanks."

She sat down next to me and there was an awkward silence. Black Widow was not a woman of comforting words (or any words at at for that matter) so instead she put her hand on my thigh, causing me to flinch. The three words that escaped my mouth were words I never though I would say to Natasha but Loki had fucked me up bad so I let it slip.

"Don't touch me."

Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak but only air came out. Jumping up, I pressed myself against the wall.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

She stood up, stepping closer. "Clint?" A little closer. "What.." Closer. "Did.." closer. "He..." She was barly inches from me now. "Do to you?"

"He fucked me." I said in a voice to soft to be called a whisper.

She blinked, her unreadable expression never fading.

"What?"

"He fucked me Natasha!" I yelled, "You know? As in rape!"

I saw something that moment that not only had I never seen but I thought I would never see: Black Widow cried.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I'm just gonna leave this here. I'll fix it later.**

* * *

"Where are you going?"

Hot, angry tears streamed down Natasha's face as she stomped down the hall.

"I'm going to kill him."

"Kill him? I don't even know where he is." I grabbed her wrist, spinning her around and she blinked at me.

"Loki has been here for days."

Impossible.

"That can't be. I just saw him. He told me to kill you!"

"Mind control," she muttered, her eyes averting mine, "It's a beautiful thing."

"Natasha look at me." She refused.

"Look at me!" My tone was more assertive this time and it must have gotten threw to her because cautiously her gaze met mine. Her procline skin was stained from her tears; tears she had cried for me. Or at least thats what I thought.

"Why are you crying?" I asked softly.

"I'm not crying," she snapped, "I'm simply leaking saltwater."

"It's the same thing."

Her eyes narrowed at me as she pulled her wrist from my grasp. "I'm crying because I care about you Clint. I owe you my life."

I couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment, my heart feeling as if it was on fire. Okay, what the hell? I am an assassin. According to Webster an assassin is a person who commits murder. Do murderers and assassins have hearts? I've been asked that a lot and I've come to the conflusion that, yes, we have hearts, just not all of us use them.

"I have never seen you cry and you choose now to do so?" I kept my face blank. "I may be a close friend and colleague Natasha, but you be over reacting."

"Over reacting?" Her eyes blassed with anger, "_Over reacting?_ You have no idea how wrong you are!" she hissed.

"Enlighten me."

"You want the truth? Fine. I have irrashinal and umcomprehendable feelings toward you that only exist in children's stories."

I blinked at her, trying to comprehend exactly what she had said. Surly she didn't mean...

"English, please, Natasha."

She sighed her expression becoming lax.

"Love Clint."

There is no way I heard that right.

"Are you attempting to tell me you love me?"

A faint smile graced her face that contradicted the sad look in her eyes.

"I do believe I am."


End file.
